Elizabeth's Cancer Blog
Really tired, too much chemo for me?
Hi Everyone,
It’s been awhile since I posted. I have had 9 treatments of the 12 recommended of the FOLFOX. Each treatment has taken a toll on me. The first few had me home bound for about 8 days. Now I am home bound for 12 days. I get hooked up every other Monday(last one May 7th), 49 hours each time of chemo is a lot. It is like filling a gas tank and when it is full then I have to go through all the symptoms of it leaving my body. That takes about 4 full days after I get unhooked. And it is rough due to constipation from the anti-nausea stuff they give me in the IV. I tried the 8th treatment without it and threw up every 10 minutes for 4 straight hours. Won’t do that again. The last treatment and the one before I felt and feel like not finishing. I just don’t feel good. This chemo regiment is accumulative and I think MY BODY has had enough. The nurse who hooks me up at home said about 20% of the people only get to the 10th treatment due to the fatigue. My oncologist said he would be happy if I tolerated 6 treatments and any after that was “gravy”. BUT the famous oncologist (Dr. Heinz Joseph Lenz, Director of USC Colorectal Oncology) who he sent me to for an opinion said I needed all 12 treatments. When I told him that my oncologist said I needed only 6 he said “he is trying to give you a gift, you need all 12”.
I also think about the long term affects of all this chemo. As all of you had 192 hours when we first went through the initial treatment with the radiation, now I can add 441 hours more. That is a total of 633 hours of chemo. I am also vitamin D deficient. I am now taking 50,000 units of vitamin D once a week. Just started that last week. Can any one tell me do I need to be taking Calcium with that? The pharmacist said I should be but neither doctor (my oncologist or my GP) mentioned it.
It is all so confusing. If chemo lowers your immune system and having a lower immune system increases your chances of getting cancer what are you suppose to do? And if I don’t do what they are recommending I will regret it later if my cancer comes back. And if I stop now I will feel like I gave up and PERSEVERANCE is my strongest character asset. But it is a little frightening to continue in the way I feel physically and I do lose it for at least one night when I am hooked up. I do get over it and I know I am getting stronger through all of this emotionally. Have you heard “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? So true, so true. And ALL the doctors say “There is no right answer”. GREAT!
I have stayed away from “alternative” ways of dealing with cancer due to what happened to Farrah Fawcett and also I attended a funeral last Monday of a friend who was in GREAT SHAPE. She has ran a marathon the week before they found her Stage IV cancer eighteen months ago. She was healthy and ate right. She did the FOLFOX treatment too. She was able to get out more than I have, but I have had 7 surgeries, chemo now twice, radiation twice. She was 4 years younger than me and I am 59. Re-cap I have had breast cancer twice, anal cancer which spread to a lymph node in my iliac area (hip area). They said the cancerous lymph node was encapsulated. I had it surgically removed 11/2/11. Then started this FOLFOX as insurance for any micro-scopic cells that may be left. Sometimes I feel guilty about complaining when I know people who have to be on chemo for the rest of their lives. What also makes it difficult to continue is there is NO CLINICAL DATA to show there is ANY BENEFIT from doing this chemo. But it seems like the people who have had cancer more than once when they stop treatment it spreads.
I don’t want to stress too much about this. I know the answer will come for what I need to do or not do. All of you are a part of this with me. I know I am not alone and am so grateful for this site so I DON”T FEEL ALONE. THANK YOU. Based on all my body has gone through I am feeling it is time to stop but not sure. Like they said “There is no right answer”. I so appreciate any suggestions from all of you.
I love the song “The Climb”. For those of you who watch American Idol, I think Hollie Cavanaugh did a better job than Miley Cyrus who sings it. We are all climbing our “mountains”, we must keep the faith, it is about “The Climb”. I want to do my best in every area of my life, I am so tired.
Gratefully, Elizabeth
Hi Elizabeth—
Of course only you can make this decision, based upon how you feel, input from your docs, etc. However, I will tell you what I would do if I were in your situation. I would put my head down and push through it. I know it seems like you’re darned if you do and darned if you don’t. I just don’t think I could live with myself if I passed up the last few treatments and the cancer was not gone. I am SO sorry you are having such a rough time tolerating the treatment and have to make this decision. When I was in treatment, I really didn’t think I could do the last 3 radiation treatments. However, a good friend of mine reminded me that there would be no do-overs and it was now or never. I guess my opinion is based on that very wise advice. I would keep fighting.
Whatever your decision is, your friends here at BFAC will stand beside you and support you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs—
Martha
And sometimes it isn’t that there are no right answers, there are just no answers. We just do what we feel we have to do, to do all and whatever we can to beat this disease. Take it one chemo treatment at a time—and persevere. But whatever you do, we’ll all understand and stand by you. Big hug for you and sorry for the toll this is taking on you. Hang in there, Elizabeth!
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